


As the Daylights Gracious

by HeartxoGrenade



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Eventual Romance, First Kiss, First Time, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:47:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25812328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartxoGrenade/pseuds/HeartxoGrenade
Summary: A series focused on Nick and Brian's growing love..based off my poetry.This series is starting circa 1998
Relationships: Nick Carter/Brian Littrell
Comments: 9
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://allpoetry.com/poem/15164744-As-The-Daylights-Gracious-by-Shell-Bell
> 
> Based on this poem

A soft rumbling upon the motion on their bus couldn't even shake a disgrace he felt.  
Was it possible to feel this way?  
Could it be wrong to do so even if it was quietly detained within a mind continuously tortured.

Nick did not know.

As artificial light seeping across his emotionless expression every few seconds..he knew well enough the answer was never driven into clarity.  
Even with an exhausted silence that drips in uncertainty..it was still thundering in his ears.  
Louder, it consumed him ever so tightly like veins gripping tragedy in an honest rage, a pooling within him cruel as it remains in bloom.  
Like a flower heightened wonderfully and never knowing what direction dreams may carried!  
It withered awfully..past away upon an uncaring ground.  
An aftermath from two storms brewing with separate ideas to become a ravenous perfection.  
Nick sighed and hid his body away more from this blunt reality....  
...what started it all...  
An almost real....  
.......an almost kiss...

It happened a few hours before his despair.  
Nick and Brian decided to play some basketball as a longing to escape their busying lives held accountable to them.

But Nick knew that time is graciously well spent....

It was a calming July themed afternoon writhing in urban pans off streets outlined by everything in a vigorous rush. And exactly well off it was at least secretive amongst themselves.  
After a couple of games they laid against the heated wall sweat ridden and out of breath.  
It may have been a rare occurrence, they both simultaneously been slammed with memories of their first encounter.  
Delicately still dancing within their wild still beating hearts. Perhaps beyond those crevices they somehow knew it was meant to unfold like a signal of life. Flared upon both broken seas in order to be finally saved.  
As Nick turned flaming a small grin, he couldn't help but felt wrecked from an incredible force. Exclusively drawn for him an flawless artwork.  
His Brian.  
On the other hand...Brian focused on Nick's tender face as if a new birth off perspective clearly washed over him. A lustful gaze held for what seemed like a torturous lifetime only to be perfected upon glory off seconds.  
An underlying fever broke out within the two . A tingling sensation that fell eager upon restful bones even scarce in the darkness that feasts.  
For no other sunlit worlds outside their range seem to occupy.  
And like a pausing clockwork, they both leaned in cautiously..lips glistening with a sheer desire unbeknownst to them.  
To discover what may have been a prescence.. a realization once an abscence.  
Soon we're they had been enclosed in a thickened haze quickly Nick and Brian broke a trance that filled a new cavity off a conceded sorrow.  
Confused or more the while Slightly bitter they shut down their engorged thoughts fast.  
Another ill of silence swept between them.  
It was almost sickening to express so much turmoil but nothing in a slither to ever explain.  
That wonderful moment they almost shared...  
....almost....

Despite for as long as they had known each other..there wasn't quite a place to put into strong words about the situation.  
Nick was the first to speak unable to trust his notes still cascading like a fresh sweet honey.  
" Bri...I...."." He stammered emotions that list its peak.  
Brian's head snapped up in an electrical snarl... Openly directing at Nick inside and out.  
His Nick..  
His Frack...  
His....  
He shook violently as a desired reminder to end that sentence.  
Instead though Brian gently tapped Nick's knees as he whispered hoarsely.  
"We should get going."  
Nick was not sure whether to punch him nor hold him close....fear was tiresome within time.

Thereafter..snuggled within a fair distance from one another on the bus, they both heard a lowly grumble following a series off tears pounding upon scorching metal.

It was raining....

For they have not known from their starved souls how their faces soon masked the landscape revealing outward their confines. Both were seeping harbored feelings finally and both were in a terrain of honesty to each other...almost...  
...just almost...

The next day however held something akin to a truth. Although the resources may never speak a tension by them does swiftly hang in an icebox tune.  
The other guys also felt the sharp edge in the room by Nick and Brian but failed to conceive the origin off the matter.  
They also noticed a distant remark by them when before they wore each other as hips. Occasionally they do speak in spit fire words amazingly said.. breifly extinguish the next minute.  
They lived their moment by an empty prose and when none had the courage it was bound to dissipate.  
Brian..loosely hung by Nick's door of his hotel room.  
He gazed at him like a nightly ritual he desired beneath but then again there was no courage in those words just blank staring.  
" What do you want!!" Nick spat forcefully sent Brian on his heels. But yet Nick regretted immediately that engraved upon him like a meaning something..a miracle.  
" Just want to know if you want to hangout like the old days?"  
As Brian smirked..damn him!!  
Only Nick could compose himself quicker and with a non chalalant smile he penned his answer.  
"Sure..why not.."  
Pizza filled movies and a thrust on late night conversation later..they dwelled within each other's arms though it felt far different than other occasions.  
Brian pressed on his side holding Nick in a death grip as if when he had a knowledge to eventually let go...so will he...  
" Thank you.. for today I mean.." Nick shyly said as Brian nuzzled him even closer.  
There was no barrier but unspoken their souls screamed.  
" Your welcome..thank you as well" Brian responded and the first time in months they were no longer strangers...  
Only because almost can be compromised after all!


	2. Chapter 2

Brian had always been so sure of anything that flew directly his way.  
He knew his friendship with Nick ran much deeper than the other anticipated but yet he grew fearful as the dawn greets its gentle light, with the warmth of a body stored right next to him  
He couldn't help but smile at Nick's sleeping form, billows of blonde petals delicately framed his face ever so perfectly...  
his angelic flower.  
The way nick's mouth curved softly as his eyes blushed a brilliant violet almost made Brian moan in a sheer greeting.  
How could he had know it would all end up in this manner.  
How could he had known that he was devoted to such madness but yet can tame a love before death.  
As Nick stirred though, he quickly shifted his mindset in order to normalize everything that seemed to be accumulated within his own. Their own society where nothing they may have can ever be accepted, no matter how long and thoughtful the effort they may direct any of their feeling between them  
He felt another strong surge as Nick awakened, blinking blindly around the room as if he had forgotten his place but quickly landed his eyes on Brian and smile so effortlessly almost made Brian laugh.  
" Mmm...morning." Nick mumbled sleepily and Brian was taken a back but his honeyed glow that seems to surround him. He remembered a few days ago where they almost...Brian froze as it hammered within his heart so greedily. Imagining the possibilities of what can be forever or even stripped down to mere bones of a beautiful presence left in a deathful loneliness.  
" Hey buddy..good morning." Brian finally responded as he swiftly raced off the bed he shared with Nick and slammed the bathroom door...his heart beating a rarely occurrence that likely would be torn.  
As he rinsed his hotly face under streams of cooling water...he knew he had to make at peace with it all at stake.  
What if Nick didn't feel the same?  
What if they somehow molded into one and never considered any burn marks off separation.  
He formed an idea that is amazingly daring that there was never any fault written between the desperation of those lines. He simply had to prove to Nick what he felt was real and hopefully Nick had returned that same storm.  
For as one, they will conquer together strongly more than any storm may ravish them.

As they were gently swimming through what seemed like endless cities , drowning in between tones of hurtful greys and electric blooms everywhere...Nick and Brian cuddled tightly together watching a comedy movie.  
As the burst into fits and squeals...Brian was still piecing the perfect and truly honest way to grab Nick's attention by the core.  
He glanced at him and for a mere moment he admired his possible future lover without any care for the consequences that may ensure. He took a big sigh lost in his own world but his Nicky stopped laughing at something random and shifted his gaze towards Brian.  
He can tell by Nick's expression that he was upmost serious and he figured he had to explain to him somehow but actually how?  
He just cannot not proclaim is love as if he had spawned it within a loveliest moonlight or even a hand to grieve even if the situation turned on the darkest side.  
Brian knew without his sunshine, he is thrust with an eternal secret unimaginable. But right now at least he had to play the game lightly  
" Whats up Frack?" he calmly asked even though there was nowhere near that particular feeling that he originally sought out for.  
Nick continued to frown but then nuzzled his head against Brian's neck. And her shivered...feeling those stray locks against his skin that he was certain a thunder inside him was rumbling yet he forced it to be silent.  
Nick chuckled and looked deeply into his eyes as if it was a special connection they had not yet explored.  
" Nothing Frick...you just spaced out on me." Nick exclaimed and busted into even more laughter.  
Brian could not help but follow suit, after all, his Nick's laughter is very infectious and is completely sickened lovingly by each and every shard of him..even if one supposedly could pierce his entire being.  
He was presented with that awful opportunity but he rather hope it never seemed to come to full bloom.

The next city later..somewhere between Boston or New Jersey..he had not kept track anymore. And what would that matter, he had a planned set in motion and their was zero time to flare out all the flaws that may scatter between them.  
Brian sent Nick off to do an awkward set of errands which gave him ample time to do his own bidding.  
Brian glee as he carefully prepared everything in a single low setting that was not over the top but underage within its intended mark.  
As he lit each candle, Brian thought back when he had open heart surgery during the height of their career.  
He remembered the fear that stabbed his already failing heart and the pain that come in the aftermath.  
Time had tested his so true perfect it was almost surreal how soon he had climbed those noosed ropes of death.  
And if he was honest with himself...he would have no...defiantly a certainty, one thing stopped him for sure and it was him.  
His god sent blonde that he has come to be as close as ever, it was a bounded destiny a story untold just yet.  
Nick glued by his side after his surgery as if he belonged to Brian as another limb and yes..Brian thought the same as well.  
He cried by his side, begging his life that Brian would never leave him and he saw the raw honestly that fell off those tear filled lips...could taste his sunshine that was briefly clouded.  
They completed each other and Brian was always amend with that even if no one else saw the invisible electricity that passed by unnoticed and how daring it can be.  
Afterwards, he viewed a romantic setting that only truly belonged those that deserved to bask in that glory and he was well satisfied.  
He made sure to prepare a delicious meal containing some grilled steaks and fresh veggies complimented by a bottle of wine even though he knew Nick wasn't old enough to drink, this fact will not spoil the night.  
And with a flash and better timing, he heard a soft knock on the door and knew it was him. He originally instructed Nick to do so even after a puzzled look cross his face as they always shared a room.  
Excitement dripped along him as he answered, with Nick looking quiet annoyed into pure awe as he surrounded himself with such great comfort.  
Nick moved along the dimly lit room as if he was in an entrancing dream...stood for a moment with tears in his eyes and speaking so quietly it was almost never heard.  
" You...you did this for me?" he asked shyly and cracked a tearful smile as Brian embraced him once more, relishing in his scent and emotions that alarmed from there.  
" Of course baby...it is all for you." Brian replied seeing Nicks smile melted into true pure adore that no other was sent. He grabbed his hand gingerly laid him to the table filled with exquisite food and candlelit fantasy. He didn't believe any of this was real nor the fact Nick didn't see this and ran...he must have felt the same. Even with the soft classical music speaking for themselves...they possibly couldn't form their own.

After what seemed like an eternity as they both ate with a pace that matched their mood, they knew this changes everything completely.  
After Brian swallowed his last bit, he was the first to speak after a clear silence that fogs deaf within the room and even Nick wasn't phased...for he felt it too.  
" So how was dinner Nick?" he asked cautiously, trying to string his words perfectly enough to entice him and not to scare him away.  
He was rewarded with Nick grinning back around a mouth of steak, juice dripping and Brian thought how much more sexy he could ever be.  
" It was great Bri..but I think we are missing something.." Nick trailed off and Brian was utterly confused perhaps even more afraid than he let on.  
Brian played coyly as if he never understood the crossing of barriers but it was indeed new territory for him so he had to make sure he tread carefully.  
" This." Nick's one word response as he came deeper then fulfilled with fireworks of emotions as he pressed himself fully upon Brian's lips.  
The kiss was.....electric, explosive to the point they felt shockwaves from their nerves down to their newborn bones off this sensation, tongues and lips played with one another....bliss wise wasn't even something to describe.  
Nothing in that moment did.  
When they finally broke apart and breathed the air that thankfully filled their lungs, they didn't speak.  
How dare they could when all they felt, expressed and even spoke fell solely on that one kiss that will always remain a beauty mark of wealth between them.  
Nothing was furthermore said....as if on cue they crashed against each other like a lovely accident of sorts, endearing and reminding how much one means the other.  
Although unbeknown to them, their was a figure shadowed by a half slit door that stalled for a moment and soon fled..leaving the newest lovers beyond themselves and indeed the cruel world.


	3. Chapter 3

Once they welcomed the next city...not only was it a chaos outside with hundreds of fans but so much more along the walls within the bus.  
It was dead quiet,almost like a life can sear and pass through with no amounts on integrity that had been amounted there.Nick sensed something amidst when the bus suddenly stopped beforehand with a brief meeting and it exactly quite the exciting news. It held by a dullness in the air that was desperate to be filled..they all knew it and felt it,  
He even felt more of this when the others exchanged looks like a fruitful hunt.  
Yet satisfied by the end meal of never receiving their full meal...  
It was unnerving and way more annoying than it could ever be credited for.  
Nick however tried to remain calm.  
It was certainly hard when his lover kept his distance and Nick felt for sure he was at fault.  
He wondered back to that amazing kiss and simple touches that renderred more complicated and lovingly accepted.   
Brian sat on the opposite bus writing some lyrics and completely ignoring Nick and Nick only justify this act by remained silent himself.  
His heart shattering when no one was trying to find, a puzzle of the heart he is!  
He sighed again and glanced down on his phone toying idle like with it. It wasn't the best distraction nor the worse and he indeed felt like he had to make the next move.  
Of course when they were alone though.  
It was near impossible as the sun dipped in cocktail colors....he was hungry within time that hung so loose and never inspected.  
Nicks mouth curved to a vicious smile...he has the answer.  
As he dozed off watching the fog Brian had clearly made.

After another successful show, Nick was willing to find Brian to find out what truly was going on.  
what melted beneath warming hugs and fireflies of kissing marking, there was no way sure his sudden absence and it shook Nick.  
After Brian tried liberally to avoid him, Nick somehow snuck up, slammed the door behind him and raging. Brian gulped never seeing his Frack like this until now and it fucking scared him.  
" Nnn...Nick?:" he asked hoarsely when Nick sneered never understanding this outpouring rage.  
Not only did it make him afraid but also very worried direction this may go.  
Nick"s eyes were an intense blue like an artic ice, no coldness may form whatever words in a thought of steam that drifted as an aftermath.  
His panting quickened yet died and Brian was suddenly immense with his sudden stance...even when when he started sobbing.  
Brian watched helplessly as Nick tore himself apart and guilt sent it deeper than anything that fled the storms.  
Heart wrenching as he cried..Brian carefully approached him to no further upset him but to indeed need some stable as a reason...anything!  
He finally enveloped his lover gracious arms..heaven like even and he knew Nick fell apart more so by the way his body dissolve the anger that once was there.  
Brian groomed his fingers over Nicks silky hair and down to his heaving back as he sobbed. Hushing in white tones that seem meaningless now would be bigger in the near future.  
" Shhhh..its okay..just tell me.." Brian soothed although he felt it was never enough.   
Nick continuously sobbed frightfully Brian was sure the desolate bones would break skin,  
After he calmed a bit, Nick desperately glance up at Brian begging no new tears to tell and solely his words.  
" Whhhy...why.....DID YOU IGNORE ME!!" Nick shouted and Brian was taken a back by his sudden demanding behavior.  
Wide eyed and also furious within him, he backed away from Nick swiftly ..anger building bridges in his own eyes.  
" What do you mean Nick?" he spat as he turned quickly away  
He felt the bed shifted angrily and knew Nick was piercing his eyes all along him.  
Nick sniffled before he responded, " You don't love me"...  
Brian opened his mouth and quickly shut it like a cage of anything wrong could imprison the two forever.  
Instead..he lowered his eyes without meeting Nick's he said"  
" perhaps....this was all a mistake." he proclaimed sadly and darted out of the room.  
Leaving Nick dumbstruck and bounded upon the enclosing of a darker times.  
Brian cared..he sure did....but he had to believe the enormity over it.  
Nick's life began to crumbled all along him.

And so it may be welcomed...as Nick drove that silver along his skin.  
Crushed feeling and bursting yet he ignored the utter sting that screams.  
He drew his face away for a moment and tears drummed downward but he couldn't control his behavior.  
No one can honest be his other half.  
He was defeated to cry though it was proven fruitless...all along he had loved him but didn't return the same gratifying feeling...it was almost impossible to take.  
Launching a deep breath in as he made his last scornful mark as a needless knock bestowed the door.  
In a rapid movement, he hid everything and try to mask his self hatred.  
nick combed his hair back briskly as he answered the door, gasping as he saw Brian teary eyed and dreadful.  
Although the scene would had hastily brought him to his knees...he huffed shortly before answering.  
" WHAT BRIAN!!"  
Brian took a forceful step back, completely phased by Nicks word yet her still breathed in and let it all out.  
: Kevin knows.." he drifted unsure how to end that sentence which doesn't furthermore level nick's anger..he just simply asked...  
" Knows...WHAT!" he spat and once again Brian was hit violently within a hurricane off Nick.  
" That we had relations...we were together." he ended of course but Nick was not convinced.  
Nick huffed again and regained his composure as much as possible although he had already can direct where this conversation was going.  
" So what??! Don't we love each other??" The word love punctuate every thing he held dear, it wasn't like he was format within his bid to love Nick, it seriously could never work. It was a hardened enough to refuse in the first place, like a swift scent off your favorite flowers and you are completely theirs.   
He realizes some may hand dried upside down the first flowers they ever received and for once Brian was grateful for that reason.  
" Nick...."he began as the thoughts thirst quickly sanded away.  
He wanted to show him as he held his arm out, immediately guessing he would engorge beneath his arms....  
it never felt suited in Nick's opinion as he stormed out, making sure a hurricane of pain lined along Brian.  
He knew it...but just quickly cannot accept it.

The next day was even more so of fury between the two men...loudly quiet that even a sharp tongue off thunder would never break the trance.  
Kevin kept his hawk eye appearance as such between the two men and it crumbled even further once Nick realized this.  
Nick constantly grumbled as Brian sought out to sob night after night within his own demons.  
Nothing was sort of set..anymore.

When an advanced encounter would dissolve all souls abound,,,it wasn't likely as Kevin forcefully sat Nick down as he was agape by his sudden dominance but Kevin did not care...at the moment at least.  
"Tell me about you and Brian.." he simply spoke and nick was caught up with a no anger threat that would reap and suddenly fell.  
"There is nothing to tell.." he grumbled almost evil like.   
Of course Kevin wanted to lay the golden bricks in turn to be in wealth of what he knew,  
Kevin threw back a short laugh then gazed longingly at Nick like he was his own specimen.  
" Don't fool around...I know for a fact you guys had something going on? Come on..you make it obvious!" Kevin spat as Nick hunched lower more than he could even allow himself.  
" I....love ......him..." Nick weakly responded as he turned his back and made the allowance of tears to freely fall down, a waterfall amongst what was going to happen next.  
Kevin huffed some profanities and left the room..leaving Nick sickened within their hate.  
He couldn't understand why as he threw himself towards the bed..an inconsolable sob not yet written.

As day was advanced with the great,,others surely did not feel so.  
Brian and Nick had separate buses even though its a killing to keep true love apart  
Nick screwed around with his arms once again, tears matching the blood that races down and no one a known winner.  
It was always in a damn where no else just gets that fact. Even if you have to finish beyond you true love..the worlds is as lonely and hunger for quite that.  
As Nick finished he quickly showered and lie down for bed, Brian racing through his thoughts like a tornado and even so there was unlikely a reason..an offer...when the tears sprang again...he knew...  
each drop told a horrible story......

Brian was stretched out within his own bed, feeling the lightly flow off their own exchanging of words bombard him like nothing else.  
He stood straight up and neatly patted his tears, tucking it in his pockets as his mind cannot speak.  
At least for that time frame where one can be.  
Brian was alrwady missing him even though it was all a sin...  
maybe perhaps...to ever be broken?


End file.
